The Transition of Success
Cynnamon Schreinert
My goal in life was to become a working stage, film and television actor. The only problem was that when I made my goal, I wasn’t specific enough. I should have mentioned that I wanted to work regularly and that I wanted to be paid. As it was, I was a relatively successful actor in Vancouver, working in independent films and on stage -mostly on a volunteer basis. But one day I realized this wasn’t enough for me. I was getting tired of sitting around and waiting for other people to make things happen for me.
I will admit it, an acting career appears glamorous. You have the opportunity to meet and party with interesting people. You are able to take on personas of unique characters and, for a short time, you are living a life you would never have lived. I find it fascinating how acting encourages you to be in touch with your inner emotions and observe the nuances of those around you. For me, the biggest rush comes from performing a live theatre show and hearing the audiences laugh with you followed by the thunderous applause at the end of show. I’ll be honest; it’s not always like that. There are times when it is just a small smattering of applause from your friends who came to see the show.
The real truth of an acting career is that you spend countless hours in classes that are never seen, going on dozens of auditions without booking a gig. You spend more money than you make on everything from classes, to headshots to your personal appearance. It can be a costly industry to go into and the reality is that the majority of your time is spent looking for work. The truth is that only a small number actually ‘make it.’
When I became serious about taking charge of my acting career, I bought the book “How to Sell Yourself as an Actor” by K. Callan originally written in 1990, republished and updated in 1999. The book stated that in 1997, the Screen Actor’s Guild reported that 67 per cent of union members earned less than $3,000. I read that line and thought that it would be different for me. I believed that I was going to make it big one day – live the life of a successful actor. Since I began acting eight years ago, there has been only one year that I have earned more than $3,000.
For the first time in my career, I was working in theatre for a consecutive year and a half. I may have been successful on stage but during the productions I was still serving to support myself. It was at this point that I realized this wasn’t enough. And for the first time I seriously thought it was time to put away my dream of being an actor.
The first thing I did was explore the idea of continuing my education. Two years earlier the thought had surfaced but I had put it aside. At that time, I felt that if I were to change my goal away from acting, then it would mean that I had failed. Being a Capricorn, success is very important to me. As K. Callan said, “If you allow yourself to go through any door that is open, instead of waiting for the one, your chances for success are greatly enhanced.” It was time to open the doors to other possibilities and see what else was there.
One day a program presented itself to me on the Internet: Public Relations. It sounded intriguing and soon I realized that this was a career that I could utilize all of my existing skills and develop new skills. I applied, I was accepted, and I enrolled. It was done: I was putting the ball into motion and yet something still bothered me.
I began to look at my long-term goal and battled with the idea that I was failing because I had turned to another career. The idea of success and failure was a constant worry in my mind. This made my decision difficult to accept, even though I knew that waiting for something to happen was more difficult.
Kerri Beattie, producer of Blue Mountain Productions, knows what it is like to have a goal and not be met with the results you want. “Some days it’s exciting to be on the ‘know’ path thing and other days it’s frustrating,” she says. “It takes guts to follow your dreams and then take a moment to realize is this the right path. Am I doing the right thing? Or do you completely get out of it and go for something else.” The film industry has one certainty, it’s uncertain. For Kerri Beattie, she had the sense of knowing what she wanted. To make it in the film industry, she constantly has to redefine herself. I find it encouraging that women like Beattie know what it is they want and that they have learned to adjust in new situations. I have begun to realize that this is the hardest part to achieve.
I knew that I wanted to be an actor. But I also knew that I wanted to make a difference in the world. The original reason that I was drawn to acting was because I could affect people and touch them in some way. I needed to start going back to the grassroots of my goal in life, to what inspired me in the beginning. If I could turn my new career direction into rediscovering those values, then perhaps I could subdue this feeling of failure and turn my new goal into success.
Sara McIntyre, a professional life and career coach of Lyran Productions, was first an actor in her teen years. From there she went on to work in the film and television industry as a casting director and a producer, before discovering coaching then returning full circle to the film industry. She and I share a similar story. She was frustrated with all the idle waiting that happens in an actor’s career and began to search for new options in life. When she first entered her acting career it was about exploration and curiosity, while having the freedom and the space to be expressive and to have fun. I wanted to find out if she still carried those values into her coaching career. “The other areas (past work experiences) weren’t fulfilling those areas for me. Coaching is about being completely you. The best coaches are people who have total access to themselves. I get to draw on those things. I get to be funny, I get to really connect with people, I get to be opinionated, and I contribute. It has become my toolbox for being a good coach and continuing to learn how to be a good coach.”
McIntyre believes that success means “being able to bring into being what matters most for you.” To her, it means knowing who you are and learning what really matters in life. It is a constant forward movement that brings about success. As McIntyre reflects on failure, she sees it as “not bringing into being what matters most to you. And being aware that you’re not doing what you want to be doing.” Her viewpoint on success and failure allowed to me to look at the big picture of my goals.
My motivation for getting into acting was to move people and make a difference in their lives. I wanted to be able to spread positive messages around the world. If I were to look at that as my goal and not only in relation to acting, I knew that the feeling of failure was going to subside.
Susie McGee, a stage and independent film actor, shares similar views. For her, “Getting into acting was about opening up and seeing what the world was like. I wanted to communicate with others and share my emotions with them.” When setting her acting goals, McGee also forgot to mention the part of being a paid regularly working actor in quality productions. Although she has been successful on stage in Vancouver, it has left her wanting more from life based on the quality of certain productions. “I started to look around and ask myself, is this all there is?”
That feeling began last summer and since then McGee has completed a program to become a sign language interpreter. “When I first started looking at schools, I had no idea what I wanted to do. Then I found out about the signing program and realized that this would be something to fit in with my values. I’m all about communicating and interacting. This seemed like a natural progression for me.” She never stops to look at it as failure. “It’s about making changes in life and not being stuck on one idea, one goal.”
Inside my mind, failure was beginning to lose the battle as a new ally joined success; evolution. Evolution is the feeling of changing and moving forward in life. I needed to move my mind away from feeling like I was failing. As McIntyre said when she voiced that her career transitions were never failures, “It’s what all the other pieces added up to.”
Since elementary school, it was expected that you were to select one career choice. They prepared us for having one occupation. I started to realize that maybe that was where my feeling of holding onto my goal came into. It had been ingrained in me that it wasn’t alright to change my goals. But as I have been out in the real world, I realize more and more that there are countless people who are redefining their goals and making transitions in their life.
“It’s not like I’m completely giving up the idea of being an actor,” McGee says as she reflects on the possibility, “it’s something that I know I can always go back to. But I realize that there is more in life that I want right now that I’m not getting by pursuing that one goal” For McGee, she is willing to look at all the possibilities instead of waiting for the one. “It isn’t about failure for me; it’s about being true to what I want out of life. And I don’t feel that it’s being fulfilled.”
For the first time, I find that I am not alone in my feelings about this. There are numerous actors who struggle with the same ideas. It’s also the same for artists, writers, and directors. The pursuit of a creative goal is difficult because creativity is subjective to taste.
As I begin to realize that failure is more about remaining idle and not moving forward, I find that the battle in my mind is beginning to subside. It comes as a revelation to think that success is really letting go of a goal and being willing to adapt to change. When I first started the pursuit of my acting goal, I envisioned that success would be walking up on stage and accepting my Academy Award. I did not believe that success would mean that I would find what is true to me and follow my values.
McIntyre believes that it’s “about keeping your eye on that big picture.” And that big picture is what makes you happy and fulfilled in life. For me, that big picture is making a difference in my life and the lives of those around me. Although acting was originally the most direct route to achieve that, I have managed to look at the big picture. I am looking for more in life than just sitting around waiting for the next acting gig to come my way. It doesn’t mean that I have put the dream of acting away forever – it’s just sitting on the backburner for the time being.
I had started by blasting off for the moon, filled with ideals, and believed that an acting career was the only thing that I wanted to become a part of. Then as I made my journey to the moon I began to look around and see that there was more out there. There was an entire galaxy out there. It started to make sense to me. The success I found was in the journey and having the confidence to try.
I remember reading another book at the start of my acting journey. That book was “Unlimited Power” by Anthony Robbins. A portion of that book was on the seven lies of success and beliefs. I think of belief number 2, “There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.” It comforts me; I can look around and see the results in my acting career and in my new career aspirations. No matter what may happen in the future, I have turned my failure around and embraced the path of success.