Got Girlfriends?
Jeny Cassady
I met one of my best friends just after moving to a new city, while performing in a crazy British Farce. Near the end of the run I said to her: “I think you’re really great. You want to go see a movie sometime?” It didn’t occur to me until I was driving home that she may have thought I was hitting on her. Should have told her I had a boyfriend? Would she not call because she thought I was gay—and interested? Or was she gay? Would I find myself on a date the following week?
Thankfully, she did call. When I told her what had gone through my mind, she said she had been thinking the same things. I clarified, telling her I was interested in a platonic, girlfriend relationship—we laughed at the need for clarification! She also said the reason she thought I might have been hitting on her was because no woman had ever just said to her, “Let’s hang out.”
Truth be told—this was the first time I’d ever done such a thing.
Why did our exchange seem so foreign? Why is it so hard for one woman to ask another woman to be friends? When did making new girlfriends become more difficult than dating?
Perhaps, like me, you have a small group of girlfriends you keep in contact with. And probably you met most of them through school, or work, or other friends. But when was the last time you made a new girlfriend all by yourself—without the help of a friend or co-worker? When was the last time you said to another woman, “You’re really interesting—I’d love to talk more with you. Are you available next week?”
You never know what might happen, or how knowing that person might influence your life.
I met another friend doing crowd control while volunteering for a festival. During a break in our four hour shift we struck up a conversation. Although we moved in very different circles, we found we liked each other immediately. It hit me that if we didn’t make plans to meet, we’d probably never see each other again. ‘This person is interesting,’ I thought. ‘I bet she’d be great to know.’ I invited her to call me and meet up sometime in the future. That was 4 years ago. We’re still great friends, and last year she introduced me to my now boyfriend!
I even made a friend of the nurse who was with me through my stay at the hospital to have my appendix out. They put me on a floor with mostly-comatose 90 year olds, and being the kind of patient who cracked jokes as she came out of anesthesia, no one knew how to deal with me—except one very witty nurse. What a shocker to have a smarty-pants 30-year-old who would rather get up and walk to the bathroom right after surgery than use a bed pan. The nurse laughed with me the whole 20 minutes it took to get from the bed to the toilet—a mere 10 feet away! I sent her a gift bag and a note. A week later we had coffee.
Making girlfriends is not that hard, but, just like dating, it takes a little practice.
Want to make some new girlfriends? Follow these few simple guidelines to help you approach a potential girlfriend.
1.Wait for the click. When do you know you’ve met a potential girlfriend? It might surprise you when it happens. It could be anyone: the barista at your favourite coffee place; the woman sitting next to you at the opera or the game; the mom you’re waiting with at the daycare. When you find yourself spontaneously in a great conversation with someone and time just flies–when you seem to “click” with this person—that’s the moment to take action.
2.Be confident. Let’s face it; if you’re not confident in yourself you’re just not going to have the gumption to ask a gal to be a friend. Go out there and remember how very cool you are. You will make a great girlfriend.
3.Be straight up. “Hey, do you want to meet up sometime?” This works best. (Although I once found myself awkwardly explaining to a potential girlfriend: “I’m not hitting on you. I’m not gay… Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay. That’s great if you’re gay. I have a lot of gay friends. They’re great… I like men. I have a boyfriend. We’re straight.” It was not one of my proudest moments and luckily it ended in both of us laughing. It’s probably best to practice what to say when someone responds to your question by looking at you sideways.)
But I’m saving the best for last: how I met and befriended Tara, the editor of this magazine: Tara and I were guests at a party where I knew no one, and she wasn’t even invited! I found her in the kitchen mixing up batches of killer martinis! We had great drinks, great conversation, and together lost miserably at board games. We had a great time, and by the end of the night we had both expressed interest in being friends. Now, not only do I have a friend I can drink martinis with, I have someone who has encouraged me into more writing projects than I ever could have imagined up myself.
So get out there all you wonderfully cool gals, and find yourselves some new, fabulously interesting girlfriends! Your new BFF could be right around the corner: at the yard sale, or the block-watch meeting, or your cousin’s baby shower, or your dentist’s waiting room, or that protest on the parliament lawn…